I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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