wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
