I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
