Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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