Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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