Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
