Sry I called you an 8
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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