if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
