im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
