holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
