I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
whose parrot is this?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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