My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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