her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
