I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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