I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
