some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Someone shattered a urinal.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
