I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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