I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Please, let me fuck your mom
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
