I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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