he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
