I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
