Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I am available for nakedness
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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