The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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