You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Quick, to the slutcave!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
