yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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