I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
