He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
