there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
