just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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