direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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