He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I think i got beer on your cat.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
