if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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