K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
it hurts more in the daytime
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
