Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
