Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
