After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
