If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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