we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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