the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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