I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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