Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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