you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
