that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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