Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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