So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
