You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
