So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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