Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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