hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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