I want to stick my p in your. b.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
