we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize