There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
