My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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