i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
