The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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