no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I touched a dick in church today
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
