Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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