The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
