yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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