He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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