I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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