Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
