if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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