We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
