I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
