We should be called the Road Head Warriors
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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