I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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