SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
