do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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