tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
