i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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