Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
