So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
