If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
