I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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