I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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