ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
